This week has been again more stressful for many than past weeks as we see the number of Covid-19 numbers going up, hospitals filling, and requirements for masks in Maricopa County and many locations throughout the state. In addition, this isn’t the first time around – this is into month 4 of dealing with this (although just into it) and I’m hearing tempers flaring, patience waning, and what I’ll term “Covid Fatigue” hitting. What’s a person to do when this is happening? And it’s now impacting our relationships, we know people with Covid-19, we’ve lost friends or family to it or they have had a serious case of it, and we haven’t been able to socialize or attend church and/or work in the same ways for quite some time. And even the possibility of in-school education or dorm life is in flux right now for the fall. And, to top it off, it’s been at or near 109F. (Good news, though, it may be down to 98F for part of this coming week.) What a June!
Well, we are a resilient people, truly, although the level and speed of it varies by person. Resiliency is the ability to overcome obstacles and move forward. Resiliency leads to hope – and so we are to hang in there when things seem desperate. There is an article I wrote a number of years ago about this and it’s on the website. So, feel free to go there for more information. But the essence is that to build hope, we must have people around us, spiritual practices, and be aware of possibility. I’ve always liked Elizabeth Edwards quote: “She stood in the storm and when the wind did not knock her down, she adjusted her sails”. It’s time to adjust our sails a bit. Here are a few ideas that have come to me lately, some of which I’ve shared here in the past or with clients, some are newer:
Realize you are just not accomplishing what you want to do – from something small to large? Download Apalon’s Productive-Habit Tracker to your phone or tablet and choose just one or two things you want to be sure you do daily or weekly. Build some success before you add more. And give yourself a break – it is happening to most people as they live and work at home.
Concerned your spiritual life is not where you want it to be? Commit to one thing a day – maybe a meditative walk; perhaps doing a finger labyrinth; spending some time to do a guided relaxation; say a prayer you relate to – a rosary, a personal talk with God, a psalm, or a pray with others through a compline online, keep a gratitude list, or listen to music that is meaningful to your heart or spirit (you choose!).
Fearful about the fall and what it will mean for you? Teaching at school or via Internet? Needing to teach your children again or sending them to school? Sending your young adult to live in a dorm or live at home? Focus on bringing yourself back to the present. None of us know what August or September will look like. So, we must stay in today. Perhaps using a short affirmation for this will help: “I have only this moment”, “Relax in today”, “I find stillness when I live in the present”, or write your own.
Feeling lonely or alone? First, find a being in your home with whom you can share a hug, pet them, cuddle, or otherwise connect physically for a bit. No one there and no pet? Dr. Peter Levine urges us to hold ourselves. How? See Dr. Levine’s methods described and directions for several self-hug and holding exercises. My favorite is to simply put your left arm across your tummy and with your right reach up and pat your left shoulder. It will repeat what your mama did to you when she held you – and it is extremely calming. Then reach out to a friend or family member by Facetime, Zoom, WhatsApp, or another method. It amazed me again how much closer I felt to a friend last Saturday when we spent time talking by WhatsApp rather than only by phone. Invite one or two friends over and socially distance in the evening while catching up. Or do a Zoom breakfast or game night.
Uncertain or afraid of vacationing and feeling housebound? Get your family together to brainstorm. Two people have told me that they are doing camping trips and/or using RV’s to get time away with family. Brainstorm a stay-home vacation – and here are a few ideas to get you going – https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/life-strategies/staycation? The larger hotel chains have information out there on what they are doing, National Parks and Recreation has information on traveling to the parks and AAA has some information.
My spouse is driving me nuts! How do I cope? We’ve heard about this on TV, in the news, and from our friends, right? So how do we cope when we are living and working together full-time? First, communication is essential. And that is very hard when we’re stressed and misinterpreting the intention of others as well as struggling to find a little alone space. Or perhaps just tired of the way they work as it’s different than ours or conflicts with our methods. CNN had a few ideas worth looking at. I’m most impressed with the couple who, in a 576 square foot apartment found ways to compromise and parent children. What bothered you 3 months ago will now be driving you around the corner. So, take a deep breathe, do something to relax yourself, get away from your spouse or partner, and talk to a friend before you try to talk to your partner.
Feeling bored at home? Listen to a new podcast (or two), review some of the art galleries we put on our website under Covid-19 resources awhile ago, go swimming, or put some music on and dance. I’m very much enjoying the “Poetry Unbound” podcast each morning (under 10 minutes usually) and playing in the water with the puppy. Both are new for me – and take me in different places that open my brain and heart.
Ok, there are a few ideas. Next Sunday I’m hoping to finish the article on growing in times of adversity. But for now – I’m hoping these ideas help you just get through the tough moments in life. I commit to acting on the alone and spirituality ideas above – so what is your choice? I hope you do it even for 5 minutes.
Take care and be well,
Dr. Beth
Beth Sikora, PhD, LPC, NCC
thewholenessinstitute 