Decisions…Difficult but Important to Choose and Own

Our current times continue to present challenges in many ways for all of us.  From the smaller decisions of what to purchase at a grocery store and how to do so: online, via delivery, or in-person; whether we’ll follow the guidance to wear masks; to the no-brainers of breathing in and out each day, and to the largest decisions about when to retire and other big life changes.  We can say that some of these decisions are easy, whereas on others we will not reach agreement with everyone.  As Eleanor Roosevelt said “In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves.  The process never ends until we die.  And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility”.  There are crucial decisions being made by governors and legislators right now related to COVID-19, the economy and businesses, as well as protecting individuals.  At this time, we are also called upon to make our own choices, and decision-making is often challenging and stressful.

Part of this stress is brought on by hearing multiple conflicting ideas about how to open a country back up, what is too soon, what is too long, how much individual health and lives should be considered versus the economy, and whose guidance should be followed in these areas.  I believe, as Eleanor Roosevelt and others have said, that we are responsible to determine what is in our own or our loved ones’ best interest.  Some of the decisions our leaders make we need to assess and determine what to follow and when, such as the recent ones, and ones to come, about reopening.  So, I thought it was time to review a few basics on decision making.    

First, get yourself in a quiet place, without distractions, and relax yourself.  Hard to do in a Covid-19 world, but perhaps these steps will be taken over a period of a day or two, and that’s fine.  This might be doing some meditation, prayer, deep breathing or yoga, or other ideas you might have.  It’s important to have our brain available, and when we are relaxed, we have more capacity to use our full brain without it being impacted by a fight, flight, or freeze change in brain reaction. 

Second, once you’ve done the above, write down what the decision is that you’re trying to make.  Tie it down to one decision, after all we can’t make more than one decision at a time.  Writing it down helps you to focus.

Third, do the research you need to do.  For decisions about work, going out of the house, deciding whether to go to salons or restaurants, or even just whether to grocery shop versus using pick-up services, I’ve found some sources of information and am providing those here.  These links provide various views so you can consider what the pros and cons are.  But seek out your own sources as well.

  1.  CDC suggestions/plan on how to reopen

**I’m providing several Governors’ plans as it will allow you to see what they are considering and that may help you in making your own decisions.

After reviewing the facts and areas to consider from the above or other information you have, the fourth step is to write down your pros and cons on choosing to take various steps, i.e.:  go out to dinner vs. picking up dinner or having it delivered, going to the hair or nail salon, working in these environments and offices, and the others you’ll be faced with in the next week to months.  Then if it is clear to you what you will do, be clear with yourself how you reached the decision.  We can only make the best decision we can on any one day and with the information available to us.  You’ll want to reassure yourself later why you made a decision if later you question it.  If it is not clear, consider talking it through with your spouse, a significant other, close friend, person you respect, or trusted other.  And then follow the above once your decision is made. 

The fifth step, that will seem familiar to all who have studied science – from junior high forward, is to re-evaluate and make sure the decision still makes sense as you go.  Feel free to change your mind if that makes sense to you later.  For example, as many have suggested from a lot of entities and as we’ve seen in other countries, the numbers are going to go up as we reopen, so you may choose to change your decision if they are going up very rapidly, or begin going back down.

I ran across this in looking for a poem on choice and decision-making.  And in the end, I loved the simplicity of it:

A picture containing photo, flower

Description automatically generated
Source credit: quotesgram.com

Having peace during these times is challenging – but remember that with following all the guidelines we already know from so many sources, continue to:

  1.  Wash your hands often, with soap and water, for at least 20 seconds.
  2.  Wear a mask in public.
  3.  Cover your nose with a Kleenex if sneezing anywhere.
  4.  Cover your mouth with a Kleenex if coughing.
  5.  Socially distance keeping 6’ between you and the other person/people.
  6.  Clean and disinfect touched surfaces regularly and throughout the day.
  7.  Do not touch your face or wash your hands after you do.

All of these get tiring to hear about at times – but they will be essential for a long time to come.   And they can provide you with peace within that you are doing all you can to protect yourself and others. 

Finally, remember to take time to relax, enjoy your family around you, reach out to friends in socially distant methods, pray, meditate, and use the tools we and others have provided. 

See our website for general resources.

We also have COVID-19 specific resources as well as blogs on ideas in managing these stressors.

You deserve to take care of yourself, and I encourage you to make your own decisions, and take care in all the ways you need to do so during these challenging days.  We’ll be back to the regular blog again on Sunday, but I wanted you to have these thoughts earlier as things are changing rapidly. 

Take care,

Dr. Beth

Help Your Kids Make Good Choices—Special Edition Blog on e-Cigarettes

If you haven’t seen the headlines in the last couple of days and didn’t see a surge on social media a couple of weeks ago, this may surprise you. Reports are showing early data that the usage of e-cigarettes contributed to the first lung related death, and more widespread, is causing substantial damage to lungs and the numbers are alarming.

The market has exploded with e-cigarettes, Juuls, and other vaping devices to supply candy and fruit flavored nicotine to interested users. Per Juul’s website, “JUUL was developed as a satisfying alternative to cigarettes. Learn about our mission to improve the lives of the world’s one billion adult smokers by eliminating cigarettes.” More reading of the website leaves a reader feeling that switching from cigarettes to this vaping device is a cleaner, safer choice.

The Juul itself is tiny, shaped like a USB drive, and with the enticing flavors, the market of users is not just cigarette converts, it’s also our teens. School districts nationwide are holding parent and child education events to provide information on this new smoking trend to teach and also encourage an open dialog among families about such nicotine usage.

But the reality is, vaping has been too new for us to have a lot of clinical data showing the toll it takes on one’s body. There are anecdotal reports of these electronic vaping devices exploding—and graphic images can be found of people who have had them in pockets, in their hands, and worse, in their mouths at the time the device ruptured and exploded causing substantial tissue damage. But what about the lungs? It’s been surmised that vaping can contribute to popcorn lung, but beyond that it was all supposition until recent weeks.

Earlier this month, a teen came forward on social media posting pictures of his hospitalization and subsequent recovery of a lung collapse. It is believed his use of a Juul for the past year and a half caused the lung issues he experienced. As his posts went viral, he launched the campaign #lunglove encouraging people to give up their electronic vaping devices in an effort to prevent more hospitalizations and deaths. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/teen-blames-vaping-after-his-lung-collapses/ Today it is being reported that the first death has been linked to e-cigarettes in Illinois and dozens more have been hospitalized for conditions similar to the teen mentioned above. https://www.cnn.com/2019/08/23/health/vaping-lung-disease-death-illinois-bn/index.html

These headlines are important, your teen knows about these devices and based on statistics alone, has likely tried one. They are present in every high school and likely every middle school in the country. Local teens are reporting they aren’t even able to use the restrooms because they’re so heavily used for vaping during breaks. Vaping devices can deliver nicotine, flavorings, and other additives; but some can also include THC—the psychoactive substance in marijuana—and other substances. Inform yourself and inform your teens. For information about vaping and marijuana, see: https://drugfree.org/parent-blog/know-kid-vaping-marijuana/  If you need suggestions on how to start a conversation with your kids, a number of resources have been written on this topic. Follow this link to a google search with a number of credible organizations that have tackled just this situation. https://www.google.com/search?q=start+conversation+with+teens+on+ecigarettes&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b-1-e

And lest we forget, it’s not just teens who vape, UCLA reports that adults, too, are buying into this and many believe it is safer than cigarettes.  That’s yet to be proven.  And even for teens, scientists are still considering how vaping impacts the development of the brain – remember that the young person’s frontal lobe does not stop developing until about 25 years of age.  So with cardiovascular, lung, and brain impact we do need to be aware for our youth first, but for all adults as well (http://newsroom.ucla.edu/stories/how-safe-is-vaping)

Open communication about the dangers of these devices is one of the best ways you can help your teen make good choices. And remember, the listening—and hearing—what your kids have to say can be even more important than doing the talking.

May–A Time for Change

May begins tomorrow – and with it come graduations and celebrations of completion from kindergarten, 6th graders moving into middle school, 8th graders moving to high school, high school seniors moving to college or out into the world to work, and college graduates moving onto their own family, career, graduate school or a combination of all three. So many changes, both for the students and the loved ones around them – particularly the parents! I have 3 college graduations to attend and I firmly recall one of the upcoming graduates at 7 years old, competing in horses and another singing beautifully for a Papal visit here. I also had lunch with a step-son from a prior marriage last weekend and he is now in his 40’s – good grief, where did the time go? Certainly he can’t be more than in his 20’s! Life moves all of us forward – whether willingly on our parts or not.

And yet, we do have choices. Take a look at image of the path above – there is an intersection coming up. The walker has the choice – ahead, left, right, or to turn around and go back. So often when faced with these intersections we tie ourselves up in knots – what is THE right step to take? We’re sure this step will set the course of our future. And true, sometimes it does have a strong impact. When I chose not to go right to college from high school it did set a course, but far from a miserable one, it was one in which I gained a much stronger sense of myself, gained confidence, and eventually truly believed I could do what I’d always hoped and go into the field of mental health. As Ernest Hemmingway said, “It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end”. The experiences that I had during the next years are what inspired the sureness to go to college and complete the degrees needed and actually begin a practice. So while it seemed like a side road, it truly was a meaningful and important part of my development as a person. And becoming a person we can have faith and respect in is one of the most important lessons in life.

itsnotthejourney

So I would ask you – what is next on your life journey? What have you completed? What have you thought about doing next? If you know what it is – then the next step is finding the courage to take it. Whether moving to a new state, marrying, having a child (if you are younger), or whether it’s learning to live in a home without children returning for summer as they are off on internships and jobs, or perhaps you are looking at the next 20 years ahead and realizing you better develop a new plan as it’s likely the last 20-30 active years you will have, it’s time to sit down and consider what you want to do. Or, perhaps you’re just divorced and this wasn’t what you wanted, you still are in charge of your future. You may have lost a loved one to cancer, heart disease, another health condition or maybe a sudden accident. Regardless of the intersection you are at, you will need to determine what you need to support you in taking the next step, and then in taking it.

Brene Brown said that we need to “Be willing to let go of who you think you are in order to be who you are”. Is that your next step in some way? Then let’s take it together and learn that there is no wrong path, no wrong way, merely a willingness to take the next road, see where we have gone, adjust as needed, and then move again. But what steps to take? Here are a few ideas:

  1. What do you want to do? Come up with even a small start in the plan for what’s next. What will be on that path? Children? A graduate degree? A new place you can decorate as you want and make a reflection of you versus you and him or her? A new job in a new land? (“Oh Toto, we’re not in Kansas anymore!”…but how wonderful and how much Dorothy learned in Oz!) Make one part of your plan specific.
  2. Who can and will support you? Sometimes we need to re-evaluate our support. Perhaps the friend who saw you through the divorce remains bitter and you need to move forward without bitterness. Perhaps your best friend is getting married and you are beginning a new career. Rather than becoming angry and resentful that they “don’t understand” see who else in your network, or those who are now around you, who can and wants to support you.
  3. Explore your new path. Are there new things to learn? New adventures or hobbies or interests to explore? Make a list – or a jar with pretty papers folded with different adventures, hobbies, places to explore on each and then go do one!
  4. Journal – notice what is going on each day. Henri Nouwen said: “One of the most satisfying aspects of writing is that it can open in us deep wells of hidden treasures that are beautiful for us as well as for others to see.” What is changing in you? What do you like, not like, want to change? Keep current with yourself.

Are you ready? Here we go…take that first step on whichever path you are taking. One step IS a beginning. Blessings on your road…