May–A Time for Change

May begins tomorrow – and with it come graduations and celebrations of completion from kindergarten, 6th graders moving into middle school, 8th graders moving to high school, high school seniors moving to college or out into the world to work, and college graduates moving onto their own family, career, graduate school or a combination of all three. So many changes, both for the students and the loved ones around them – particularly the parents! I have 3 college graduations to attend and I firmly recall one of the upcoming graduates at 7 years old, competing in horses and another singing beautifully for a Papal visit here. I also had lunch with a step-son from a prior marriage last weekend and he is now in his 40’s – good grief, where did the time go? Certainly he can’t be more than in his 20’s! Life moves all of us forward – whether willingly on our parts or not.

And yet, we do have choices. Take a look at image of the path above – there is an intersection coming up. The walker has the choice – ahead, left, right, or to turn around and go back. So often when faced with these intersections we tie ourselves up in knots – what is THE right step to take? We’re sure this step will set the course of our future. And true, sometimes it does have a strong impact. When I chose not to go right to college from high school it did set a course, but far from a miserable one, it was one in which I gained a much stronger sense of myself, gained confidence, and eventually truly believed I could do what I’d always hoped and go into the field of mental health. As Ernest Hemmingway said, “It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end”. The experiences that I had during the next years are what inspired the sureness to go to college and complete the degrees needed and actually begin a practice. So while it seemed like a side road, it truly was a meaningful and important part of my development as a person. And becoming a person we can have faith and respect in is one of the most important lessons in life.

itsnotthejourney

So I would ask you – what is next on your life journey? What have you completed? What have you thought about doing next? If you know what it is – then the next step is finding the courage to take it. Whether moving to a new state, marrying, having a child (if you are younger), or whether it’s learning to live in a home without children returning for summer as they are off on internships and jobs, or perhaps you are looking at the next 20 years ahead and realizing you better develop a new plan as it’s likely the last 20-30 active years you will have, it’s time to sit down and consider what you want to do. Or, perhaps you’re just divorced and this wasn’t what you wanted, you still are in charge of your future. You may have lost a loved one to cancer, heart disease, another health condition or maybe a sudden accident. Regardless of the intersection you are at, you will need to determine what you need to support you in taking the next step, and then in taking it.

Brene Brown said that we need to “Be willing to let go of who you think you are in order to be who you are”. Is that your next step in some way? Then let’s take it together and learn that there is no wrong path, no wrong way, merely a willingness to take the next road, see where we have gone, adjust as needed, and then move again. But what steps to take? Here are a few ideas:

  1. What do you want to do? Come up with even a small start in the plan for what’s next. What will be on that path? Children? A graduate degree? A new place you can decorate as you want and make a reflection of you versus you and him or her? A new job in a new land? (“Oh Toto, we’re not in Kansas anymore!”…but how wonderful and how much Dorothy learned in Oz!) Make one part of your plan specific.
  2. Who can and will support you? Sometimes we need to re-evaluate our support. Perhaps the friend who saw you through the divorce remains bitter and you need to move forward without bitterness. Perhaps your best friend is getting married and you are beginning a new career. Rather than becoming angry and resentful that they “don’t understand” see who else in your network, or those who are now around you, who can and wants to support you.
  3. Explore your new path. Are there new things to learn? New adventures or hobbies or interests to explore? Make a list – or a jar with pretty papers folded with different adventures, hobbies, places to explore on each and then go do one!
  4. Journal – notice what is going on each day. Henri Nouwen said: “One of the most satisfying aspects of writing is that it can open in us deep wells of hidden treasures that are beautiful for us as well as for others to see.” What is changing in you? What do you like, not like, want to change? Keep current with yourself.

Are you ready? Here we go…take that first step on whichever path you are taking. One step IS a beginning. Blessings on your road…

 

 

 

 

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4/10/16 A Sunday Afternoon’s Thoughts about Life

bethwindow

It’s been an interesting Sunday thus far – especially for Phoenix in mid-April. We’ve had a wonderful day of cloudy skies, rain, a little thunder, mixed with a slight breeze all resulting in the perfect setting for a lazy day of relaxation. I don’t find I do that often enough – so often I’m on to the next thing, and like all of us, there is always something. But I’ve enjoyed today and want to share some of the musings I’ve had as I’ve rambled through my day.

First, I took the time to actually look around – see what was happening in the window next to me, take a walk outside and see what the yard was like, look after a potting project I’m in the middle of, and generally enjoy what was around me and how the rain was changing the hues, tone, and feeling of the environment. It was peacefully quiet, yet with the patter of some rain drops, and the freshness of the cleansed air and space.

 

After puttering I found my mind then called to travel through possible travel plans, what might I want to see? What rivers to cruise? How to see Ireland through a new lens on the next trip? What is available? And what is my soul searching for in the trip. It was a few hours of looking at many different ways to new parts of the world, life, and my inside longings for what this could be. Where would you go? Would you peruse Ireland? Or might it be Yosemite? Or climbing over rocks and ice as a friend did to reach a new summit on her birthday last weekend? She literally scaled new heights for her and the pictures are astonishingly beautiful. Then I considered a trip I hope to make to Colorado this summer. A small weekend venture – but what could that trip be in addition to a wonderful time with a family member? So while my world was first around what was happening around me, the day moved into the world at large – what more do I want to see, learn, do, and experience? We don’t often think about these things and then take time to get more specific and even specific enough to look at the actual ventures available. The wanderings the Internet allows make this so easy – and enjoyable for quiet days.

That brought me to considering my own inner life and where my thoughts were going so often lately, that of what brings purpose and meaning to life as we age? That’s a question popping up around me so often lately, and as I ponder it with others, I also ponder it within. I tend to turn to a few of my favorites for thoughts to provoke me when I want to go deeper and so I spent an hour or two looking at Brene` Brown’s thoughts and watching some TED talks. I also was brought to the thoughts of John O’Donohue not by my own process but through a friend who had posted something to me via message at Facebook and which I just opened today. So I wanted to share some for you if you are wondering about aging, what holds us back, and why in the world we think we must be all such perfect creatures. I would encourage you to view one or more of these sites:

Maria Shriver’s website on which she posts a chapter from a book I’m ordering next today on the prime of our lives. This is a chapter written by Brene`, and the photos by the editor and photographer of the book are incredible: http://mariashriver.com/blog/2016/04/prime-book-brene-brown-courage-vulnerability-peter-freed/?utm_source=Current+Users&utm_campaign=6c8a4c7de2-April_8_Send_Out_4_8_2016&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_53bf79976c-6c8a4c7de2-36077549&mc_cid=6c8a4c7de2&mc_eid=255d798934

Two fascinating TED talks by individuals who are no more special or gifted than the rest of us – but who truly have a depth of spirit and character many of us neglect to develop. First, Karen Gaffney on why all lives matter at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwxjoBQdn0s&app=desktop and then Jess Thom’s courageous and challenging talk about what it’s like to have Tourette’s Disorder and what she is trying to change in the world: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jmTlQld2Z8&nohtml5=False What these 3 women have sparked in me today is a commitment to actually push my own limits. I tend to think big and move slowly.

And this leads me to the last part of my day – the poem by O’Donohue that a friend shared entitled “For Longing”. In it he certainly addresses what is true for me, and for so many of us I believe. He speaks of how much our soul is called to – and how challenging it can be to follow the road necessary to reach it. So when I think about my day thus far – and this is frankly true of any day we face – I have to ask myself, what do I need to do today to take a step toward the actions, goals, dreams, and hopes of my own soul?. Did the processes, experiences, and time I took on the activities today move me forward? Or did I stay stuck, and if I’ve felt that, did I enjoy what was in front of me, did I reach out when I needed to, and did I even notice and take time with those around me?

Today? Today I can say yes, from the above to enjoying time with Murphy throughout many of these excursions, I was present in my life, I enjoyed what I did, and I explored areas of thought and the future that will help me move forward. Tomorrow, well that’s a new day! I’ll do my best to do the same in new ways.

Now, how about you? What can you do today toward your future?